Trying To Figure Out Life

The response I received after writing about my last year of high school was so encouraging! Wow! I just want to shout out a huge thank you to all of you that read this little ole blog and for those that took the time to write to me. It was really great hearing from all of you, especially those that I knew back in high school. That’s one of the beautiful things about social media, reconnecting with people. I’ve really enjoyed reading all of the comments.

Found this gem….Whoa….

me 1984 500
I think after high school, I wasn’t doing any kind of exercise and was pretty unhappy, so I just ate… and unfortunately it looks like I gained a bit of weight. Who remembers using phones like that? Haha! I remember one of our places had a phone attached to the wall and we had a super long stretched out cord.

I want to clarify my reasons for writing my Life Story. It is definitely not to illicit people to feel sorry for me. My life is what it is. I don’t feel sorry for me. I am thankful for all the valleys and all the mountain top experiences. They have made me who I am today. I know that God has been with me through every event in my life. Sometimes I did not make the greatest choices …but sometimes I did. Every experience I’ve been through has helped build the foundation of my faith. I continue to grow in Christ each day, He isn’t finished with me yet. My goal in the end of this is to share how great and awesome God is and how He transforms lives.

Just incase you are dropping in on this section of my Life Story, I always want to give you the opportunity to read from the beginning. So, here’s the different chapters I’ve already written.

A Child of the 60s &70s
Life in Hawaii ~ Vacation Turned Staycation
The Jr. High Years ~The Good, Bad and The Ugly
High School ~ Flags, Driving and A Boyfriend
Last Year Of High School ~ Losing My Way and Finding It

In writing this next section, I was all confused about the order of events. I’m not even sure I’ve got them all straightened out, but it’s the best I could do…. In the last chapter I wrote, I did get something wrong. I’ve been pouring over pictures trying to find ones from this timeframe in my life and I realized that my sister didn’t get pregnant my last year of high school, it was a year later. I caught it because some pictures actually had a date stamp on them and then I double checked when my nephew was born. Then it hit me that I had made a mistake. Oh well. So, I used the age of my nephew to determine what year some of the photos were taken.

This one is from about that timeframe… when I last wrote about how I had attended a church service with a friend of mine instead of our regular routine of hitting the clubs to dance for the night.
me 1984 500a
I don’t remember what the preacher said, I just remember going down to the alter and asking Jesus into my heart. My friend did the same! I felt new, changed, clean, loved, forgiven… I felt amazing! I just knew I would never be the same again.

We started going to church there every week. They even had a college and career group that we started to attend. It was great meeting new people and making friends.

Here I am on my 20th birthday… See my nephew, so adorable, he’s about 10 months old.

me Jay1985 500

Me and mom had some good times, they weren't all bad. This is about the time I started riding my bike a lot! I was putting in about 10 miles a day. I was starting to lose some weight and feeling better about myself.

me mom 1985 400

Life still goes on… trying to become an adult. That is not an easy task.  I didn’t even know how to become an adult. When are you officially an adult? I had no clue what I was doing with my life. I would say, I was just ‘winging’ it. I had odd jobs here and there, nothing great. I was still just spinning my wheels. But at least I was going to church. That seemed to be my stability. My friend eventually stopped going with me. I think she just got too distracted by life. I couldn’t stop going to church. Christ became my anchor, the only thing that kept me steady. Plus I had met so many great people and I felt connected.

I’m thinking this picture must have been taken around Easter 1986. The only way I could tell, is that I believe my nephew looks about 18 months old.

fam easter1986 500

This next one is from my mom’s birthday in 1986. Whoa… must’ve had a bad hair day! Same jacket from one of the earlier pictures, I don’t know why I thought that was cute? At least it’s a little baggier on me.

me mom 1986 500

The church was offering a ministry/course opportunity. They called it The Great Commission. You would basically, help out the pastors by going on visitations, or any other ministry needs. You would also take Bible courses, that I believe had college credits. (I can’t remember for sure). I felt that it was something God wanted me to do, so I signed up. This was my opportunity to try and figure out what God wanted to do with my life, at least that’s what I was hoping, because I still had no clue.

During this time, I got to know the director of the preschool at the church. Mrs. B, ‘took me under her wing’ so to speak. She let me talk with her for hours. I felt Mrs. B understood me. I had shared some of the struggles I was having at home. You know my mom and I didn’t get along the greatest. Mrs. B and her husband were separated and she asked me if I wanted to come stay with her. I jumped at the opportunity and moved right in.

So far, things were going pretty good at the church, I was still apart of The Great Commission Program and was mainly helping the youth pastor and college and career pastor. Although, now I see, I spent too much time with the youth pastor. There should have been protocols to adhere to. He was a married man with a family. We joked and laughed at first, then he started flirting… I wasn’t sure how to take it. I blew it off, we were just having fun. Then one day he reached over and held my hand, and I let him. Then he eventually kissed me. That was as far as it went! I was young, but not that dumb. Of course, this did not happen all in one day… it started out small and innocent.  Why in the world would I let something happen like that? I guess liked the attention. And before you knew it, I was in a place I did not want to be, but there I was.

When I look back, I keep asking myself what was going on in my head??  I had finally started to get my life right when I accepted Christ, and started going to church. What was I doing? To this day, I have no idea.

At the same time this was happening to me, I found out that Mrs. B and the college and career pastor were having an affair. I was living with her and I had no clue! What in the world was happening here??? This was crazy! These were all people I trusted. I was so confused, hurt and angry!

After Mrs. B’s affair with the college and career pastor came out in the church, I left.  I moved out of her house and moved home. I left the church. I was so angry! I told God that if this is what You are about, then I want NONE of it! I was done with it all!

So, here I was back at home with mom… angry and so frustrated. I had to get a real job, I needed to do something! I found a job as a receptionist in downtown LA. Yeah, it was a long commute, but it was a job.

For I know the plans

Here I am at another crazy point in my life. How could God make something good out of this. I had no idea what He had in store for me…

Thanks for reading! I'm working on the next chapter...

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