So, here I am being transparent again... Have you ever had the feeling that you are so overwhelmed with "stuff" that you just want to do absolutely nothing?
Ignore it ALL and just go sit watch a movie, or get "away from it all"? Ugh... That's how I felt when I woke up this morning... plus the headache didn't help.
I read through my devotions, junked out on Facebook, I even did the elliptical for 20 minutes, showered and I couldn't shake this... I was feeling like I had MILLIONS of unfinished things to do. Yes, that's an exaggeration... I'm good at that. :P
I'm staring at myself in the mirror... Lord, what is going on? Where is this coming from? Why am I feeling like this? I felt this tug... and the word 'write' and 'rest' came to my mind. 'Write' why write? I never seem to have enough time to write. But I had this feeling that I needed to do it right now. Okay, Lord.
So, I walked by my list of things "to do" and pulled out the laptop and began writing...
The other day I wrote a list of things that were bugging me. They won't stay out of my head. Things that are making me feel uneasy, frustrated, and overwhelming my mind.... It really wasn't that long, but they encompass a lot.
Here it is.
- my weight. Granted it's not a lot... I lost 5 lbs. before vacation and have gained a few back. And that really really bugs me. I'm not getting any younger and those pesky pounds are getting harder and harder to lose. Remembering that I was pretty heavy at one point in my life, there's always a fear that if I just let those few pounds go they will grow and I'll be back where I used to be and out of control. Not a place I want to visit again. I worked to hard to get where I am today.
-my shoulder. This one has been plaguing me for years! I am so sick of it. It hurts, it's not getting better. I've had cortisone shots. I've been doing therapy on a regular basis for years and lately it's not doing the job it has in the past. Which is so frustrating! So, I need to deal with this and I really don't want to.
-unorganized areas. In my home there are way too many unorganized areas. Some areas, I've figured out and can keep them pretty much in order. Some areas, are completely out of control. I might get a little headway on it and then I get distracted by something else and never finish. Then before you know it it's a mess all over again. Which leads to another thing that's been bugging me.
-unfinished projects. Now this one is hitting a nerve. I am famous for starting something, getting it to a certain point where it's mostly finished and then leaving it. Thank God, for my patient and loving husband. Right now, what's bugging me the most is that I actually have projects (and several of them), that are half finished. So I really need to finish them!
-photos. I have billions of photos.... well, not billions...but it certainly feels like it when they completely cover one of your tables down in the basement AND they are completely all unorganized. It doesn't help that when the kiddos were young, both my mother and grandmother lived on the west coast, while we were on the east coast. I liked to keep them up to date with the kiddos. So, when I took pictures and had them developed, I'd get triple copies. Yeah... Well, both my mom and grandma have passed, so I have all of the photos. ALL of my mother's and ALL of my grandmother's photographs, and they are all mixed up and disorganized. Doesn't that sound like a fun project? NOT!!! But I must. I MUST organized all of these photos somehow.
So, let's go back to the other word The Lord pressed upon me.... rest. I haven't been feeling very restful lately.
One of the definitions of rest is free from anxieties. Yes! That's what I want!
What does The Word say about rest? That's my best resource.
Psalms 116:7 (NLT)
Let my soul be at rest again for The Lord has been good to me.
This is what I needed.... The Lord has been good to me. I have so much to be thankful for.
Psalms 91:1 (NLT)
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
There is rest in the shadow of the Almighty. On a hot summer day, don't you just love the shade of a tree or a cloud passing by. It is so refreshing. I need to rest in God's shade.
Matthew 11:28-29 (NLT)
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
I don't want to be weary and carry this heaviness around. The expectations I place on myself are not the "yoke of Jesus". The yoke of Jesus is light, not heavy. His yoke won't make me tired and frustrated. So, maybe I'm not doing what The Lord wants me to do.
He wants to teach me, I will find rest for my soul when I follow His ways.
So, what does this mean for me, right now? Right now, I feel better. I 'wrote' like He asked me to. I was obedient. It hasn't erased the list of things that are bugging me. But that list doesn't seem to be quite as important as I was making it. That doesn't mean I'm going to ignore it or pitch it.
It means that I need to put Jesus first everyday. It means that in 100 years no one is going to care about my little list. It means I need to take a step back, reevaluate my heart. What is important to Christ? What is really important to me?
It means, I need to take one day at a time and one thing at a time. I'm only one person, there are only 24 hours in one day, and I can only do so much. And that 'only so much I do', should be what He wants me to do. That will ultimately give me rest, and freedom from anxieties.
I forget where I read this... but it is so true.
Peace is not the absence of chaos, it's the peace of God in the midst of chaos.
Thank you, Lord. You are so faithful.